| 50 Random questions of boredom, lol. |
[November 23, 2009 @ 9:23pm] |
1. If your doctor told you TODAY that you were pregnant, what would you say?
Give him the 'you're extremely stupid' look.
2. Do you trust all of your friends?
Yeah.
3. Would you move to another state or country to be with the one you love?
Mmhmm.
4. Do you believe that everything happens for a reason?
Like, Fate? Kinda, lol.
5. Can you make a dollar in change right now?
Nope.
6. Which one of your friends do you think would make the best doctor?
Er...Janelle or Courtney, lol.
7. Are you afraid of falling in love?
It's a little late for that, lol.
9. Is there someone who pops into your mind at random times?
Yeah.
10. Whats your most favorite scar?
Uhm...I dunno.
11. When was the last time you flew in a plane?
Never
12. What did the last text message you sent say?
"Im just like, confused, thats all."
13. What features do you find most attractive in the preferred sex?
A good personality and the ability to make me smile?
14. Fill in the blank. I love:
cookies.
15. What is a goal you would like to accomplish in the near future?
Uh, get into college?
16. If you were to wake up from being in a coma for an extended time who would you call?
The nearest person to tell me wth is going on, lol.
17. How many kids do you want to have?
I have no freakin' clue.
18. Would you make a good parent?
Probably not, lol.
19. Where was your default picture taken?
My study, with my webcam, lol.
20. Whats your middle name?
Nicole.
21. Honestly, whats on your mind right now?
"What can I do to make him happy instead of sad."
22. If you could go back in time and change something, what would it be?
I dunno.
23. Who was or will be the maid of honor/ best man in your wedding?
Probably Tabitha and Caitilin, lol.
24. What are you wearing right now?
T-shirt and jeans.
25. Righty or Lefty?
Right.
26. Best place to eat?
The Great Wall
27. Favorite jeans?
My worn in ones, lol.
28. Favorite animal?
Cat.
29. Favorite juice?
Sunny D.
30. Have you had the chicken pox?
Yeah.
31. Have you had a sore throat?
More than once.
32. Ever had a bar fighT?
Not a bar fight, no. I've been in a fight with a couple drunks though, lol.
33. Who knows you the best?
Tabitha and Catilin.
34. Shoe size?
Like, 6?
35. Do you wear contact lenses or glasses?
Both.
36. Ever been in a fight with your pet?
Yeah, lol. He won. oO
37. Been to Mexico?
Nope.
38. Did you buy something today?
Nope.
39. Did you get sick today?
No comment, lol.
40. Do you miss someone today?
Yeah.
41. Did you get in a fight with someone today?
Not yet, lol.
42. When is the last time you had a massage?
Like, never?
43. Last person to lay in your bed
Me.
44. Last person to see you cry?
No one.
45. Who made you cry?
Someone, lol.
46. What was the last TV show you watched?
Er, FMA.
47. What are your plans for the weekend?
No freakin' clue.
48. Who do you think will repost this?
Probably no one, lol.
49. Who was the last person you hung out with?
Me, myself, and I? XD
50. If your significant other asked you to marry them TODAY what would you say?
Yes.
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[November 20, 2009 @ 1:42am] |
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Wake the fuck up! Right now!
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[November 18, 2009 @ 5:39pm] |
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Why won't you tell your parents?
They can't hate me that much.
Right?
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[November 17, 2009 @ 11:36pm] |
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mood |
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 scared |
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music |
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Owl City - "Saltwater Room" |
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Is it pathetic that I fall in and out of love so fast?
I don't think I've actually experienced true love thus-far, but lately I'm scared I'm getting close. For once I find someone who treats me like a human-being, who makes me laugh until I cry and smile until my face hurts. It's frightening, beyond compare, to know that when I have a fight with that person over the smallest things it feels like my heart is going to explode. I want to curl up and die.
I had no idea he even cared. I was always afraid I was disillusioning myself into believing that he did. I've had too many people use me and then toss me away like play-things that it's hard to be sure of anyone anymore. But then I find out that he really wants to talk to me as much as I want to talk with him and...it's like a thousand butterflies are having a party in my stomach. I want to cry and squeal with joy all at once, but I can't, because I hurt him, and I don't know how to fix it.
The worst part is knowing that he's two-hundred miles away, and I don't have the money to go to him. Long distance has never been my forte, because of my own insecurities, but...I really want to trust him. I want to love him. I've never wanted something more in my life.
But...it hurts when he pushes me away. It scares me. I'm insecure enough as it is, I can't handle another abandonment. I can't handle having my heart ripped out, stomped on, and thrown away like garbage, again, when he gets bored.
There is no love without fear. But do I know how close is too close, in time to stop myself from getting hurt?
Probably not. I always give away my heart and trust too easily. It's going to lead me to an early grave.
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[November 10, 2009 @ 9:12pm] |
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Don't you dare call! Not now!
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[November 10, 2009 @ 1:07am] |
The sweetest dream
Is still painful.
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[November 10, 2009 @ 12:57am] |
How can I ever show him?
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| And on a totally unrelated note... |
[July 18, 2009 @ 5:13pm] |
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mood |
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 amused |
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music |
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Muse, Debussy |
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...having absolutely nothing to do with what is going on in my life at the moment...
The comments for this video by Muse completely made me crack up, nearly falling off of the porch as I did. Seriously, the entire comment section turned into a debate field for Religious bigots who have nothing better to do with their time than pointlessly throw insults and badly written arguments back and forth at each other. Why oh why can't people just enjoy good music I ask?
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| It's been fun... |
[March 24, 2008 @ 5:37am] |
while it lasted.
Erase...
I'm sorry. Everything to do with you must disappear.
Because, damnit, I can't keep lying to you about only seeing you as a jerk.
Reading between the lines has never been my thing.
(No, Wifey, sorry. Lasers still can't be disarmed.)
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| Serpentine Drabble 1 |
[March 18, 2008 @ 8:02am] |
I've been trying to regain my writing muse for Serpentine, so in that attempt I've been spitting out random scenes and drabbles that may or (most likely) may not take place in the actual story. Yay. Go me.
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| Rant. |
[March 15, 2008 @ 1:20am] |
Am I honestly a selfish person? I am a little selfish, sometimes. But I always thought that I made up for that by being more generous than I am selfish. Maybe I was wrong in that opinion. As is well known, self-opinions are often flawed.
I mean...I'm always there to listen to other people's problems. But...it always seems that when I actually get to the point where I need to talk with someone about problems of my own, they all turn their back on me. The only two people that care are two I've never met outside of the internet. It's strange.
Honestly. I stay up til 7~8am listening to someone open up to me about the things that bother them. But I'm called selfish when I complain just a little bit? Or considered that, at least?
I've sat for two hours straight holding, rocking, and soothing a person as they cry over a breakup or problems at home. But when I cry, no one is there to return the favor. I'm left screaming and sobbing alone into a pillow and blasting loud music to cover up the noise. It'd be nice to be held again when I get to that point. I rarely do...but sometimes things just pile up so much that I can't hold it back.
Lately I've been getting to that point more often then I would like. It's not just one certain thing driving me there, it's just a buildup of so many things at once and it hurts. I'm really scared, but I don't show it because if I showed it people would think it's weakness and I can't have that. I'm supposed to be strong -- ready and raring to go to Job Corps! But, even though I am, I'm also so scared.
I don't deal well with people. I've never been a conversationalist. I stumble and trip over words, I'm awkward, I can rarely meet a person's gaze, I mumble, I'm silent, et cetera. Everything I say seems to come out the wrong way. I'll say something and mean the total opposite, but it just comes out wrong.
I also hate whining, like I'm doing now, but oh well. Everyone needs to complain once in awhile, and since I don't have anyone to complain TO, I'll just complain to an online blog. Oh yes, very good.
Blargh. I'm finished. I sound like a twat even to myself.
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| Strangers |
[March 13, 2008 @ 2:16am] |
It’s amazing how people you only met for moments seem to stick with you, even though at the moment they didn’t seem to be that important. How people who are complete strangers affect you, touch your mind in some way. That’s the beauty of humanity, I think, the fact that we can leave a lasting impression on someone else without even meaning to.
----
I just felt like writing out something like that, even though none of these people will read them. It’s nice to feel like you thanked the strangers in your life, even for the smallest things.
In other news, I've been busy again. We went shopping through the week to finish getting all the stuff I'll need with me at Job Corps. But, it's gonna take longer still for me to go up there due to the fact that when I went to get my SSN card, I accidentally screwed up my address for where to mail it. (She didn't tell me it had to be mailing!) So, I now have to wait another two weeks at least before the new order arrives and I can send a copy up to my admissions counselor for him to send into the Job Corps headquarters with my file. Oh woe is me. I was pretty mad about it.
Hopefully I'll have more of a chance to be online in the next few days. Since my plans to go party hopping this weekend with my friend Keli fell through (thanks to having no money for gas to go to the City), I'm instead letting my friend Janelle take me out to dinner and a movie with her family. e.e I hate having them pay for me, lol. But they are my semi-godparents. >.> I guess it's okay. <3 I love 'em.
Wifey~ I'm not mad at you. <3 Thanks for the adorable picture! I have it saved, lawl. I just haven't been online much. I'll try to get a chance to talk to you this weekend! Luffs ya! <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
Ciao
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| Meme rawr...I have a headache. D: |
[March 07, 2008 @ 12:33pm] |
I'm bored and currently don't feel like making my headache any worse by logging into the MMORPG I play, so I'm doing a meme for lack of anything more constructive other than drowning myself in asprin and rasberry tea....yum, tea.
Post these rules if you've been tagged.
1. Post these rules
2. Each person tagged must post 8 random facts about themselves
3. Tags should write a journal/ blog of these facts
4. At the end of the post 5 more persons are tagged and named
5. Go to their page and leave a comment telling them they're been tagged.
Screw 4 and 5. I'm doin' this cause I'm bored, not 'cause I wanna pass along the boredom syndrome.
#1 I drank way too much vodka last night! But omfg did it feel good. ;.;
#2 I'm normally a very quiet person IRL.
#3 My biggest fear is...something you'll never know! Bwhahahaha! (That so counts as a random fact! D:< Stfu!)
#4 I honestly can't ever bring myself to truly and utterly hate a person who's hurt me personally. Or exact any sort of revenge, no matter how much I sometimes want to. Now, someone who's hurt a friend of mine? Thats a different story...
#5 Eew...I still have to think of three more? Boo.
#6 I <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3~ Vodka. *drunkard lulz*
#7 I </3 the headache that occurs the morning after I <3 the vodka.
#8 My laptop is the smex. Oh yes it is. 8D
In other news! It's my friend Keli's birthday today~ She just turned 18. To celebrate we got drunk last night and each smoked our way through an entire pack of cigarettes in honor of her finally being able to legally buy her own! Whoo! Lawl. Thats all the news. Excuse me whilst I go nurse my head with nicotine, asprin, tea, and sleep. Rawr~
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| Morningside |
[February 26, 2008 @ 9:20pm] |
I'm obsessed with Sara Bareilles right now. I can't stop listening to her music, it's like...the soundtrack to my life or something, lol.
Wifey, I totally blame you! And your sister! <3 Haha. And whats with you not being online after whining about me not sending you a message, huh? Huh?! Get y'r arse online, now, misssy!
Hm...so, anyways, if you haven't already listened to Sara Bareilles, you should....and that is all I really have to say. :'D Now, I bid ye all, aideu. I'm off to chug down some more Robitussin to help with this damn sore throat that showed up outta nowhere and go to sleep. I can't decide if I want to go to school tomorrow or not~ We shall see.
I try to forget what you do to me but then you do it over again
I could rage like a fire and you'd bring rain
Till you get to me on my morningside
~Sara Bareilles, Morningside
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| Whee |
[February 12, 2008 @ 11:31pm] |
Men suck.
I should be sleeping but I'm too entertained with a conversation I'm having about how men utterly suck. Ranting on four hours of sleep is amazing. :3
I will die at school tomorrow. Too bad~
Okay. I should go to bed. Lest someone-I-will-not-name gets online. Yes.
Sleepy-time~
Oh, yes, must mention that the entire journal is now open for public view. I had some stuff set on private. *shrug* I wouldn't suggest you read it, Wifey. You might get very angry. :\ N'ways. Sleep now.
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| Immature |
[February 07, 2008 @ 6:05pm] |
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I'm a very immature person at times. It's a fact, not a statement.
Enough said. : )
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| Letters to Self: 02 (Self-loath) |
[February 01, 2008 @ 3:58am] |
Dear Self(-loathing, moronic, limerance-fooled, dumbass),
Yes, you know he’s a narcissistic, self-centered, sadistic bastard. You know his game. You know he’s probably still playing it, despite his seemingly heart-felt apology. In fact, I’m sure you’re almost positive of it. So, tell me then, why are you still torturing yourself? Why are you letting him win? He’s already admitted to you that his goal was to break your heart in the first place. So what if he said he fell for you too? So what? It’s probably a lie. You know he has enough of those tucked away.
Of course, I know you’re trying to mend the friendship. But is it really worth mending it? In fact, is he even worth being friends with? You hate people like him. You’ve admitted it countless times, so why are you making him an exception? You made him an exception to every single rule you’ve ever made for yourself -sans one, but we won’t get into that- and what for? For a broken heart and utter confusion? Do you even know which way is up and down anymore? I know you’re desperately trying to reinstate that numbness you had before he came along…NOT.
You’re not even making the effort! Stop it! We were happy when we were numb! We didn’t worry about love and feelings! That was good! I don’t care how many people tell you that you can’t hide from love forever -- you sure as hell can try! A year and a half without even blinking an eye at the male species. A year and a half without so much as one ounce of remorse when cutting all ties with a guy that was trying to get to close. What happened to that?
You threw it all away! May I emphasize the word MORON. Bolded and capped so you‘ll notice it better, thank you very much.
And yes, I know you tried. I know you gathered up the courage to shut the door on him once and for all. But, guess what? You failed. You weak-willed sucker. You fell for the game again and you just couldn’t bring yourself to shut the door. Granted, yes, he was quick in the reply. Most of the ones you’ve gotten rid of have been too stunned to say anything by the time you block, delete, and erase from memory. He was quicker and he played the guilt card better. Of course, the added fact that you fell for him could be part of the deciding factor. Oh, touched a nerve there, didn’t I?
Stop fucking around with your feelings. You know they’re affecting you more than you want to admit! Just look at yourself; you’re a mess but you don’t want to admit it and you don’t want to talk about it and you just want everything to go away. Guess what? It’s not. So do something about it.
No, this letter isn’t doing something about it. Writing self-loath memos to yourself isn’t going to fix anything.
Don’t forget to make this public. You promised yourself you’d stop hiding stuff, remember?
Dumbass.
Yours sincerely,
You.
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| Letters to Self: 01 |
[January 31, 2008 @ 8:37pm] |
Dear Self,
Stop letting your morbid curiosity get the better of you for once. Stop over-analyzing every little detail - it's annoying and probably bad for your mental health.
Stop handing out your trust so easily, okay? Jeez, and you wonder why you get so screwed over with shit. Get your head out of the past too, while your at it. Oh, and stop trying to create problems when there probably isn't one. Seriously, if you want to fix things then stop trying to fuck them up in the process! Just tell that nagging voice in the back of your head to stfu for once, please.
Also, stop being so snappy with people. And enough with the whole 'the best way to avoid making someone mad is to just not say anything' phase. You sound like some whining, thirteen-year-old, moron with helium in place of braincells. Idiot. Pull your head out of your ass for five minutes, would y'?
And for the love of cheese and kittens all over the world, just stop with the nonsense in your head! You know what I'm talking about. It won't happen, you're too much of a coward for it to ever happen. Yes, this relates to that as well. What the fux, girl? I know you're more intelligent than that. It's one, one!, person. Get. Over. It. Now. Okay? Good.
Now, go to sleep and for christ's sake, eat more than one meal a day -- Rice and carrots is not a healthy and balanced diet, even with the milk.
No, don't even. Headache is bad, you can bug Wifey when you wake up later. Sleep now, damnit!
Sincerly,
You
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